Student Fifteen

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Comments

[kate]

10 second: sweet! my only complaint is the jolty/twichiness of both the pinwheel and the windmill. besides that, good copy (as usual), and good work getting the point across quickly.

30 second: dude.. it takes for-ev-err to get to the kid in the playground... unless you want to follow some leaves across the playground or something that justifies the painstaking pan to the punchline, pan quicker at the beginning. that's just opinion, tho... i didn't really get the fact that it was the same person until you said it in class, and the windmill looks a little strange when the wind blows it. i'm jealous of your verbage! .. and there's no need to captilize Now.

[Alison Daake]

On the 10 second animation, I want to see the pinwheel and the windmill move in the same direction. On the 30 second animation, I wish the person would blow the pinwheel more than once and have the animation move a little faster. I like the concept!

[Allison S]

On the 30 second one, the child looks a little static. Just making his hair blow or arm move would help a lot. Also, that windmill at the end doesn't look quite right because the blades look like a spinning triangle.

On the 10 second, the spinning on both windmills pauses for a second during the animation, but I know that's hard to get right.

[Ashley May]

both: I don't think the copy works at all. i see what you're trying to say, but holding captive sounds more like holding hostage than captivation/fascination. and the "now it's our turn" part makes it sounds like you're kidnapping the wind against its will or something.

did anyone else think this too? or am i off my rocker?

[Cameron Ballentine]

I'm not sure about your tagline. Captive seems a little harsh for what you actually mean. You might need to rework it so that you can use the word captivated.

30 sec: The long pan into the kid makes it seem more ominous than its probably meant to be. that plus the tagline makes it seem like wind is an enemy instead of it being more friendly which is what I think your trying to get across. The windmill turning is a little off in this as well.

[Chanel Thyson (CiCi)]

10 second- for one thing the pinwheel looking thing looks like a childs toy but it is huge.... idk if that was what you was going for or not... I would personally rather see windmills from like the day of the ranches when windmills were useful and were used to help pump water from the ground... i would make a better connection if you used these type of western windmills rather than the child-like toy things that you are using now because the old-western windmills were useful to the people at that time and the new age windmills that comes a couple slides later are very useful to people in todays world. Also, the first windmills are spinning a dfferent direction than the other ones.

30 sec-to promote the "wind" theme i think all of the swings on the swingset should be moving... also the child that you have placed in the foregrnd of the scene seems to have a really awkward stature and seems more of a cartoon statue than a child... i would suggest using a real picture or a more illistrated figure... the spinning wheel the kid is holding doesnt start spinning til after the screen is done moving... also the boy looks out of place because he is so tall and young-man like... it seems to me that the kid should be of a younger age to be playing with the spinning wheel... and then also when it switches to where the guy is in front of these new-age windmills they arent all moving... the first one is but the rest are stagnant.

[Jordan Worcester]

zach very awesome!
first off- your illustrations are very good.

10sec:
the pin wheel and modern windmill are a bit glitchy, but i thought i heard you say something about that in class and how you acknowledge that. Love your "captive" phrase...it is very professional and intriguing.

30 sec:
the only think is the rotating blade at the end seems unrealistic and I wish more of them were rotating.

[Andrea Bailey]

10 sec: Good concept! Good illustrations too. My only complaint is that the movement is jerky once every revolution for the toy and the mill.

30 sec: Again, good continuation of the concept. At the beginning, the swing should probably be swinging forward and back instead of just back and to the middle position. I think it works that the figures don't really move, just the toy and the mill (and a few leaves) It looks intentional and purposeful to me. And yeah, the blade on the windmill is screwy.

[Megan Dowdy]

10 sec: Your concept and copy are very strong. I love the parallel of the windmills to the "big kid" windmills. Something that might add further intrigue to the piece would be to slowly animate the windmills in the background. Due to the scale, the focus would still remain on your central mill.

30 sec: I really appreciate how you continued the theme of little kid windmills transitioning to a professional windmill. I think it may be nice for all of the windmills to be animated. I also really like the typography at the end of the 10 sec animation, and I think the hierarchy at the end of the 30 sec animation does not show the same level of sensitivity.

[theresa]

10: I really like the concept and the simplicity of it. The only thing is that the first few lines of text ("wind has held us captive for years. Now it's our turn") doesn't really go with the final line, "A greener answer." Maybe put other line that goes with captivated-by-wind theme instead of bringing in this whole other idea of green. Like just say, "P&E Engineering. Capturing the power of the wind since year whatever."

30: Awesome illustrative style. I really like it! I like how the kid and the guy are supposed to be the same person. Cool. Again, I think there is an issue with the clarity of the message-do you want to emphasize that they can capture the power of the wind, or that it's a greener solution? I think just sticking to one or the other would help make the message clearer.